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Sometimes, I’m a pain in the…….. October 14, 2012

Filed under: funny,husbands,marriage,PMS — ddl6 @ 2:54 pm
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I have raging PMS right now.  That may be too much info for you, but I feel the need to warn the public.  I cried at Modern Family the other night.  I will cut anyone for a piece of chocolate.  I could eat a whole damn loaf of pumpkin bread.  If anyone so much as looks at me the wrong way, I want to rip their head off.  Unfortunately, my poor husband bares the brunt of this scary week each month.

The other day I was thinking about how much my husband was pissing me off. The more I thought about it the more irritated I became.  In an attempt to get out of my own head and to calm down, I began to list mentally, all the things that I do that piss my husband off.  I can blame PMS for many of my complaints about him,but not the other way around. So, I came up with a list of things that I do that tick P-Daddy off……I hope you enjoy it.

  1. I put things on his tool bench.  This ticks him off so much that when he annoys me, I do it just to spite him.
  2. Instead of eating a whole cookie, brownie or any sweet we have in the house, I just break off pieces all day. In my mind, that’s better than shoving a whole cookie in my mouth at one time.
  3. I constantly ask him medical questions as if he’s a doctor.  Then, I get mad when he doesn’t have the answers.
  4. When I watch anything about politics I get way too fired up and angry.  He won’t watch political shows with me anymore because I get too worked up.  The other night he looked at me in disbelief and said “Why are you yelling? We are on the same side.”  I’m passionate, okay?
  5. When we get in bed at night, I always want to talk about the day, to connect.  Oh,he wants to “connect” too, but in a much different way and all my talking gets in the way of his idea of a “connection.”
  6. When I get my hair colored, I ask him over and over if it looks good. Does it look natural? Is it blended okay? Is it the right shade? Does the color make me look old?  I know it drives him crazy, but I still do it.
  7. Parenthood, Cougar Town and Real Housewives of wherever.  I love all these shows and he can’t stand them.
  8. He is always right on time.  I am ALWAYS late.  Always.
  9. Pinterest.  I am obsessed with it and I want to show him all the awesome things I find on it.  He doesn’t share my enthusiasm……at all.  His eyes glaze over when I share the exciting new way of getting stains out of carpet or the great appetizer I found.
  10. I am always cold.  I have a winter uniform that I put on as soon as I walk in the house, all Mr. Rogers-like.  It’s a pink zip up fleece jacket.  Last year during the winter my husband worked in another state during the week, so I got in the habit of wearing my fleece jacket to bed.  One night, I climbed into bed with it on. He sat up in bed and asked me what the hell I was wearing?  I told him I was cold.  He said ” That’s embarrassing. No zip up jackets to bed.  What’s wrong with you?”
  11. I fall asleep during movies all the time.
  12. The way I drive really irritates him.  I go too slow.  I turn down the music when I’m turning left.  I don’t like to pass people.  I use my turning signal when I turn into the driveway.  He can’t stand it.
  13. I always hear noises at night and I want him to check them out.  Once, I was SURE that I heard someone downstairs so in a panic, I woke him up and asked him to go check it out.  He got out of bed, dressed, got a weapon and dialed 911 and gave me his phone.  He told me to press call if he told me to.  He went and searched the house.  It took a really long time and I was tired, so I feel asleep with the phone right next to me, all ready to dial 911.  He came upstairs after his search and there I was, sound asleep.  Ding dang, he was LIVID…….oops.
  14. Our laundry room is upstairs.  When I don’t feel like folding the  clothes right away, I throw them on our bed and sometimes forget to fold them.  He gets so annoyed when he goes to bed and there is a mountain of clothes on it.  He mutters under his breath and gets all pissy.
  15. P-Daddy also has an irrational fear of roaches.  I mean, nobody likes them, but he FLIPS out when he sees them.  He will kill them, but I am the one who has to flush them down the toilet.  I can’t help it, I always wave the roach in front of him and chase him with it.  Mr. I’m so Laid Back FREAKS out and starts dropping F bombs left and right, “Seriously Claire, that’s not f-ing funny!”  It’s hilarious.

That’s all I can think of at the moment.  I’m sure if you asked my husband, he could add a few more.  For better or worse, in good times and in bad, during PMS and after, he’s stuck with me.  Now, I’m off to show him this awesome idea for old toilet paper rolls I found on Pinterest.