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The Honey DON’T list September 2, 2012

I love my husband.  He is my best friend and the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.  He is a wonderful husband and a fantastic father.   He was made for me.  All that being said, we have known each other since we were 14 years old and we have been married for 12 years, and sometimes, the man can irritate the hell out of me.  He does things that make me want to pull my hair out.  I know for a fact that I annoy the ding dang out of him, but he doesn’t have a blog to write all those annoying habits down.  I do……..so there.

When we were young, we would have these huge, dramatic fights about dumb things.  We would break up and get back together 3 times a week.  It was ridiculous.  Now, we rarely fight.  We just bitch at each other sometimes.  I can’t speak to what I do that irritates him, but I can sure speak to what he does that irritates the flip out of me.  Here we go….

He is a freak about doors being shut.  I swear, he will start yelling ” Shut the door!” before someone is even through the damn thing.  “You’re letting all the AC out” or “you’re letting all the heat out!”  Drives me and the kids batty!

He can’t stand to let me drive anywhere while he’s in the car.  He makes a comment about everything I do when I am driving.  “You know, you can pass this guy? Why are you staying in this lane?  Do you always go this slow? Why do you go this way?” Seriously???????

He can’t just eat a bowl of ice cream.  He has to scrape the bowl and get  EVERY. LAST. BIT of ice cream out.  That man leaves nothing behind in the bowl.  Zero.  Zilch.  Nada.

When I can’t think of something to make for dinner and I ask him for an idea he says, “How about spaghetti?” Every time. Every single time…….I hate spaghetti.

Before he gets into bed at night, he takes off his clothes and leaves them on the floor by his side of the bed.  I wouldn’t care if he put them in the hamper in the morning,  but does he?  Nope.  Never.

Once, when our second child was about a month old and we were tired, cranky and overwhelmed, we got into an argument about sharing responsibilities and he said ” Well, you get to relax and clean the kitchen every night.” Ummm, what?  I still get annoyed about that little comment.

He knows that I have to make all the beds and have the kitchen clean before I can leave the house,  but he is ticked at me every Sunday before church when I do these things.  It’s been 12 years, buddy.  It ain’t gonna change.

He wants me to go to bed at the same time as him every night.  He won’t say that though. He will ask ” So are you going to watch this whole thing?  What time are you planning on going to bed?  You know we have to get up early?”  Then he will pout.  Drives me insane.

He is a very helpful father.  He is not one of those dads who doesn’t get up with the kids, make dinner, etc. BUT he pisses me off about the  wash.  He will casually ask ” Do I have any clean underwear? Shorts? ” I get bitchy every time he asks this, yet he still does.

Ironing.  When asks me if I have ironed for him it creates a white-hot rage within me.  I will go to extreme lengths not to iron my own clothes but he wants me to iron his??????  When he comes home and I have had a bad day and I’m talking to him about it, I am still surprised that he has the cojones to ask ” Did you get a chance to iron?”  Oh, no he didn’t?!?!? Yep, he did.

My husband is very handy.  Really, he can fix anything or build anything.  That is great most of the time, but it’s so annoying when I show him something that I want to do around the house and he says ” Oh, I can do that.”  I know he CAN but it takes him MONTHS to get around to doing it.  Sometimes, I would just rather pay someone.

He is the king of deals.  Really, he always finds a way to save money or get a deal on something.  That is great, but he always expects me to bargain like he does.  I don’t have that kind of personality.  He doesn’t give a flip about offending anyone with a lowball offer….doesn’t bother him one ding dang bit.  It bothers me and he just doesn’t understand why.

He doesn’t understand the need to buy clothes and shoes.  When I buy things he will say ” Don’t you already have a blue shirt?” As if I should only have ONE blue shirt. ” Don’t you have a pair of jeans? Do you really need more?” ….sigh.

He rarely gets mad or offended.  Now, this is a good and bad thing.  Sometimes when somebody has pissed me off and I tell him about it, I want him to be pissed too. No, he’s always so damn rational.  He always sees both sides.  How annoying.  I call my sister about things that really piss me off…….she’ll bitch with me.

He constantly moves his big toes.  Honestly, he is ALWAYS moving them.  Why?  That’s just weird.

Finally, the most annoying thing about my husband is that I can never stay mad or annoyed with him.  He always makes me laugh or smile when I don’t want to.  He brings out the best in me and always shows me the positive side of things.  Sometimes, I just want to be a miserable bitch.  Is that too much to ask?

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2 Responses to “The Honey DON’T list”

  1. kate whitman Says:

    Husbands have a way of annoying the crap out of us, but maybe we should just adapt to their behavior. Layton leaves drawers, cabinets, and closet doors open-drives me crazy. He also has the slowest reaction time to a crying baby, and wonders why I am always the one that gets up in the night. He puts dirty underwear on top of clean towel piles before he jumps in the shower, and then leaves them there. Man this feels good……


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