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The TALK August 5, 2012

Well, it happened. The day I had been dreading for 10 years arrived and there was nothing for me to do but face it straight on. We had the “TALK” with our daughter. I am proud to say, we made it through and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. It did break my heart just a bit because I just kept picturing my sweet girl as baby, playing with her toys. I swallowed my fear and tears and told her the truth. My daughter handled it, like she does with most everything, with grace and humor, and a little bit of disgust.

It was about 9 pm on the night before we were driving 10 hours to the beach for a vacation. The boys were asleep and I was going around trying to get everything organized and ready to leave. My daughter was curled up reading (as usual) in her bed. I went in to give her a kiss and tell her to turn off her light. I hugged her and said goodnight and as I was walking out of her room she said, ” Mom, at Jenny’s house the other day, there was a book about babies and where they come from. There was a picture of a naked man and a naked woman. What is THAT about? I don’t get it.” I’m sure all the color drained from my face and I started to go into panic mode. What the hell was I going to say? She caught me completely off guard. I had no idea where to start. I am a person who likes to be in control and prepared and I was neither. But she had initiated the conversation. I couldn’t just brush it under the rug. I had to mom up and do this. I took a deep breath and said, ” Honey, get comfortable. We need to have a little talk.”

She looked at me suspiciously and asked, ” What kind of talk? You mean “THE TALK”?” How did she know about the talk? ” You know where I’m going with this?” I asked. She thought a minute and then answered, ” Well, not really, but I know some of my friends have had “the talk”, but they aren’t allowed to talk about it.” Ding dang it! Exactly what I was afraid of, that she heard it from someone else! I asked her exactly what she had heard and it was nothing too significant.  It was weird and inaccurate, but not significant. Whew, lucky break.

I started off our little conversation telling her about the changes girls go through when they reach puberty. She looked a little shocked about some of the bombs I dropped, but was interested and asked many questions. I ended that part of the talk with the fact that a couple of the things we talked about , would happen every month. She looked horrified and asked, ” Wait. What? Are you kidding? Every single month? That stinks!”  You’re telling me, sister.

After we finished the “what’s happening to my body” part of the talk, I told her I needed to bring her dad in for the next part. “You need to bring DAD in? Why?” I explained that her dad and I wanted her to be able to talk to both of us about anything at all.She looked skeptical, but accepted it.

I went to look for my husband and found him watching “Wipeout” all alone, laughing uproariously and completely unaware of the direction his night was about to go in. He saw me and started to rewind the show. ” You have to see this! It’s hilarious!”  Good Lord, the man loves Wipeout. I whispered, ” No. Come on. Sissy asked about how babies are made. Let’s do this.” He sighed, ” Really? We have to do this now, at 9:30pm? I’m watching Wipeout.” I love the man, but sometimes he just doesn’t see the urgency in certain situations. ” Yes, we have to do it now. She’s waiting.” He got off the couch, but not before making sure ding dang Wipeout was paused.

When we both walked in her room, she started laughing nervously, ” I don’t know if I like this.” I started laughing, because that’s what I do when I’m nervous. My husband shot me a “be serious look”. Oh please, now he’s the expert. Typical. I shot him my ” don’t you dare tell me how it is” look. My daughter thought the whole thing was amusing. Well, that amusement was about to end.

We started out talking at great lengths about marriage and commitment. We explained how making a baby should be something that two people who are committed to one another should do. Then we moved onto the sperm finds the egg part and how it’s fertilized and yadda, yadda, yadda. If you are looking for hard-core info here, you better find another blog. I’m not getting into it again until I have to and I have to do this three more times. Anyway, so I thought that we had covered all the basics without getting too….graphic. I did most of the talking and I was proud of myself. She listened and nodded and accepted all that we said. I  wrapped it up and thought she didn’t seem too grossed out or upset. She was still smiling and making eye contact. A great sense of relief washed over me and then she asked, ” So, I understand how a baby is made and grows now, but how does the sperm actually get into the woman?” DAMN IT!!!! We were so close. So very close.

I took a deep breath and looked at my husband. He gave me a “go on” motion. My daughter was looking at me with her gigantic, innocent, hazel eyes. “Well, the man puts his…… penis in the woman’s….. vagina.”Oh God, I said it! I said penis and vagina! I prefer dinky and Gigi, but this was serious.   Her eyes got even bigger and her mouth dropped open. “What?” She squeaked. “You guys did THAT four times without telling me?” She started to tear up a bit and said, “Okay, I am weirded out by this whole thing now.” I kept telling her about what a miracle the whole thing is. She kept saying ” I’m never doing that……ever.” I told her that is how everybody came to be. Me, her dad and brothers. She responded, ” Mom-mom and Pop-pop? Oh, no! I don’t want to hear anymore.” Yeah,I think that was enough trauma for one night, no need to bring grandparents into it.

For the next week or so, she would come up to me at random times and say, ” I’m still freaked out by “the talk” you know?”But she came to me and my husband on separate occasions and asked us thoughtful questions.She asked us to get her a book about it. She is the type of child that wants cold hard facts so she can be informed. With each question, it gets a little easier and less embarrassing to talk about. By the time I explain it to my youngest, I’ll be ding dang Dr. Ruth. Does that age me? Is Dr.Ruth still alive? What I mean is, I’ll be a sex expert.

For the last year or so, she has been after me and my husband to have another baby. After” the talk” she told us she wasn’t so sure she wanted another sibling. A couple of nights ago, as she was helping clean up the kitchen, she said, ” I do think you and dad should make one more…….. BUT, that’s one party I DO NOT want an invitation to.” I just love that girl.

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6 Responses to “The TALK”

  1. Jodi Kemper Says:

    Love it Claire! I got forced into the puberty talk because of a young intern at the pediatrician with no bedside manner–he looked at Emily during a follow up check up for a stomach virus and asked if she had her period–same thing wide eyes asking if it happened EVERY month and I said yes, told her the woman’s body is very special and that men could definitely not handle having a baby 🙂 !

  2. I had to have the talk with my Son while my Husband was out to sea….good times! I also got him some books and told him that if he had any questions to ask. That was about 4 years ago..so far so good!

  3. Jillian Jativa Says:

    I can’t believe you had this as your topic. I JUST had the talk with my almost 8 year old who just would not quit it with the questions. It all began a few months ago with the birth of my nephew and her watching a diaper change and wondering what his “wobbly thing” was. Also I come to find out her friend had an accidental sighting of a boy who forgot to turn the bathroom sign from go to stop. My daughter has actually known about the period thing for awhile. A lot of her friends have older sibs so I was also worried about information flying out there. As much as I dreaded it I think it was easier than talking to a teenager would have been but she did the same thing. I gave all the basics with the aid of a nice cartoon book and she said what was on the page u skipped? and then said but what is sex actually????? Ugh. Thankfully she is totally grossed out by the entire ordeal and said if she ever asks don’t tell her any more. I do feel quite relieved that it is over with for now and that she has finally stopped walking around the house randomly yelling out the word sex.


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