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The whine list July 1, 2012

I don’t know if it’s this dreadful heat, the fact that my kids still have 7 more weeks of summer break, or PMS, but I have been in a ding dang bad mood. Everything is irritating me lately. I’m even bringing myself down. So, as I was trying to come up with a new blog post, an idea came to me: I decided to make a “batpoop list”.  A list of all the things that drive me batpoop crazy.  It might be cathartic for me and maybe I’ll stop being such a B about everything. Cross your fingers.

Before I start, I just want to state that in general, I am a pretty happy person. I love my life. Sure, bad stuff happens, but bad stuff happens to everyone. I am blessed beyond belief and I know it. I just feel like complaining. Is that so wrong? If a girl can’t complain on her own blog, where can she complain? Without any further ado, here in no particular order is my “List of things that drive me batpoop crazy”. If you can relate to anything on this list, give me a “WORD.”

  • Unmade beds.I can’t stand the sight of an unmade bed. It seriously causes anxiety for me. I can’t leave the house until all beds are nice and neat. The problem is, an unmade bed doesn’t bother anyone else in my family.
  • I have talked about this next one before. I hate it when I let someone in front of me, whether it’s in the carpool line at my kid’s school, on the road, parking lot or whatever, and I don’t get the “thank-you” wave. It pisses me off like you wouldn’t believe. I’m not asking for a thank-you note, just a little wave.
  • Peas. I think they smell and taste like feet. Yuck.
  • When my kids argue. Oh.My.Word, it drives me crazy!!!!! Seriously, y’all are going to fight about who saw the punchbuggy first? Really????
  • When my kids call my name from upstairs when I’m downstairs or vice versa. But they don’t wait for me to answer, they just yell “MOM,MOM, MOM,MOM,MOM!” Over and over again. Oh, no they didn’t.
  • Grocery shopping with my kids. Do I really need to explain myself?
  • Shopping with my husband. Again, no explanation needed.
  • The band Creed. Hate them.
  • When a parent says “My child would never say or do that.” That will bite you in the arse one day, believe me.
  • When my husband says “Relax.” when I’m angry. I can almost guarantee that I will not relax. My head will probably start spinning around and green bile will fly out of my mouth.
  • The fact that my children seem to “forget” everyday tasks like, putting clothes in the hamper, hanging up wet towels, closing doors behind them, brushing teeth and hair. Why? How?
  • The fact that the boys cannot put all their pee in the toilet……ever.
  • Getting into a cold bed. F-bombs will fly out of my mouth in rapid succession.
  • Unsolicited parenting advice. Ummm, I’m sorry, did I ask for your opinion? Probably not.
  • The sound of the TV on during the day.
  • The fact that I will say to my husband “You just don’t know how badly they behave sometimes. YOU take them on errands and see how it is!” He will take all 4 to do something like grocery shop or to church and they are perfect little angels……. punks.
  • Making dinner in the summer. Why is it so damn hard?
  • When my husband asks me to iron for him. It really makes me mad and I don’t know why. It’s weird.
  • When people see that my birthday is December 26th and feel the need to tell me why that sucks. Thank you. Now, please tell me something I don’t know. It’s been my birthday for 36 years….I get it.
  • Maybe because my birthday is when it is,  I can’t stand Christmas after Christmas. One of my presents each year is that my husband and kids take down the tree and all other things Christmas on my birthday. And when I see a wreath or lights up too long after, it kind of infuriates me.
  • My children talking to me after bedtime. When I have given baths, read stories and kissed foreheads, that’s it, my shift is over.
  • When complete strangers make comments regarding the size of our family or ask about my form of birth control. It’s rude and uncalled for and it suprises me every time.
  • When I tell people I’m a stay at home mom and they say ” Oh, so you don’t work?” Nope, not at all! I just sit and watch Real Housewives all day, jerk.
  • People who always have it “worse” than you. Example, you mention you have a cold and they say “Well, I flatlined last night.” Okay, you win.
  • When people say to me “You’re going to miss this.” I know I will, really I do. But right now, my 2-year -old is begging me to read to him while I’m trying to make dinner,my 5-year-old is crying because his Lego tower keeps falling over, my 8 and 10- year- olds are engaged in WWIII because one looked the wrong way at the other one. I will miss it, but I need a few years to forget how hard it really is.

That’s about all I can think of right now. You know what? I am actually feeling better. Thanks for listening.

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23 Responses to “The whine list”

  1. Brooke Housh Says:

    I’m with you on everything EXCEPT:
    -I love peas
    -The birthday thing (simply b/c mine is in Sept)
    -I can’t believe you didn’t mention anything about the snide remarks regarding having four kids! I’ve only been in the business for 3 months now and I’m already exhausted by them!

    Oh, and I have to give you a special shout out for the importance of beds being made. It can’t be done fast enough from the moment I wake up.

  2. Mary Mike Says:

    I kind of like a cold bed. Warm beds make me nervous. To many nights waking up to boys who have had accidents 🙂 Ditto to the rest!

  3. Mary Mike Says:

    I kind of like a cold bed. Warm beds make me nervous. Too many nights waking up to boys who have had accidents 🙂 Ditto to the rest!

  4. Martha Says:

    When a parent says “My child would never say or do that.” That will bite you in the arse one day, believe me. —- I’ve been on both ends of that one – never, ever think your child is perfect!! They will surprise you every time!!

  5. popmistress Says:

    I’m with you on a lot of these. Except…well…if you’re ever in my house, don’t look at the beds. Your head could explode.

  6. Jillian Jativa Says:

    Hi, I am Carlos’ wife and after following your blog, I feel I must tell you that even though we only met momentarily during what I found to be an intensely stressful reunion that involved a visit to chuck e cheese (need I say more), illness, rain, and mud – I feel that you and I must have been hatched from the same egg. So please know that there is someone out there who intensely understands how you feel and would love to have a meal together at the next reunion because I think it would be awesome to hang out with you.
    -Jill

  7. kate whitman Says:

    Love all of these, but I laughed so much when I read Creed. Hate them, but hate Nickelback even more. At least nobody plays Creed anymore.

    • ddl6 Says:

      Nickelback! How could I forget that awful band? They have been playing Creed on XM lately. It brings out a scary rage in me.

  8. kiwi Says:

    I agree with Kate…the Creed one was my fave! You don’t love Scott Stapp??? He’s from Orlando, you know…. 😉 Oh, and the thank you wave drives me CRAZY, too! I think I have slight road rage anyway and that just fuels my fire. I’ve given up on Jaan’s messy room and self-help skills. If he wants to walk around like a stinky 14 year old, there’s not too much I can do now…one day he will want a girlfriend who wants a clean boyfriend! 🙂

    • ddl6 Says:

      If Creed was on the radio and some B doesn’t wave at me……….look out! Road rage central. I can’t imagine Jaan as a 14 year old. Makes me feel super old;( I hope you are feeling well, mama to be!

  9. Terrie Says:

    Claire, I was with Brooke. I truly expected people’s remarks about you having 4 kids to be on the list. I strongly suspect that you could add to this list quite easily. Since I’m neither a Mom nor married to a man, I can’t comment on anything related to those two. I do, however, sometimes think that having your spouse’s cold feet touch yours in bed is worse than the bed being cold….but only sometimes (and remember, we live in upstate New York, so cold feet are normal about 6 months of the year). I can still clearly remember my Mom’s most frequent comment whenever we would get arguing about anything: “Fight nice, kids.” It almost always made us laugh because “fight” and “nice” just didn’t make sense to us as kids. Keep writing…your blog always brings a smile to my heart!

    • ddl6 Says:

      Terrie, I have to agree with you on feet touching in bed is just as annoying. I am so glad to see that you are reading my blog! Thank you!!!!

  10. Wendi Says:

    You’re one of those people who are gutsy enough to say what the rest of us are thinking. Agree with ALL of these – but especially the BEDS – the obligatory wave that people forget to give when you provide a driving curtesy – the stay-at-home mom comments – the “one-upper” people (you should google Brian Regan’s Walked on the Moon, and listen to the bit called “dinner party”) – and I’ll add to making dinner in the summer……I think it’s harder because you have to make breakfast, lunch AND dinner for EVERYONE, EVERYDAY for 3 months. No school lunches. No quick lunch boxes. And for some reason they all expect so much more than the same quick breakfast and lunch they’d get during the school year. Turtle shaped pancakes for breakfast? Seriously? That’s only at Gramma’s house kids.

    • ddl6 Says:

      Yes, it’s having to do all the meals everyday. Why do they want yogurt during the school year and Belgin Waffles during the summer? To drive us insane, that’s why. I need to look up Brian Regan’s stuff, y’all have mentioned him before. Thanks for reading!!!!!!

  11. Melanie B. Says:

    1) I am always lookin’ for “The Wave” too.
    2) LOVE THIS ONE – People who always have it “worse” than you. Example, you mention you have a cold and they say “Well, I flatlined last night.” Okay, you win. *** Don’t people know that you may just want to vent and talk about your OWN problem for just a second…
    3) As your birthday twin… I actually like my b-day on December 26th – everything is decorated and there are lots of family “get-togethers” (which would not happen is say, September). And, it always felt like I got * more * presents that my little brother for Christmas… since I always got to open up my birthday presents that day too. Sibling Rivalry is alive and well!!

    • ddl6 Says:

      Melanie, do you experience people commenting on your birthday? Seriously, whenever people look at my license they say ” Oh you poor thing! A Christmas baby, you must hate it!” Well, for the record, I’m a “day after Christmas” baby……there’s a difference!


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